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Maxine - one last tribute...

Maxine, November 1 1996 - May 25, 2011 
I'm adjusting to life without Maxine. I have so many regrets. I wish I could have been a better Mom to her. If I could do things over again, I would. I did the best I could given the information I had. But hindsight is 20/20.

I feel like she is at rest and peaceful with Heavenly Father. It's just too bad that dogs don't live forever in happiness and health... well, they do - just on the other side... hopefully, when I return to Heavenly Father, I can see Maxine again and maybe dogs and humans can communicate is some special way, I'd like her to know that I loved her the best that I could...

I know a dog is not a person, but she sure was a good friend to me for so many years.

If... or when I ever get a dog again, I will treat my dog a lot better. I wanted to take her to the vet for yearly check ups but when she was 10 years old we were advised not to do that. To just let her be and then she can get sick sooner and die sooner.

I wouldn't do that again. I would rather take her to the vet for yearly check ups. And provide the best care possible. Had I done that I think she would have lived a more comfortable life. Like as soon as she started to go blind - had I reacted sooner, maybe I could have got some eye surgery for her to see better. I don't know how much that all costs, but it's cheaper than people care - I've heard.

 It's hard because Mark didn't want to spend much money providing care for her - so what was I to do?

As we had more and more kids It was also hard for me to pay as much attention to her. I love my kids more than my dog. Not to say I didn't love her, of course I did - it's just different.

So, when I get a dog again... in the future... it will be when the kids are grown and when I feel like I want a "baby" to love again - and dote on - that's when I'll have a dog.

Also, thanks everyone for your kind words. Thanks to my friends that called to talk to me about it. It's only been one day, but I feel better and better.

It also gets easier that I have to be tough about it and explain to the kids that she's in Heaven. It makes me want to get that movie All Dogs go to Heaven.

And prayer has helped me through this trial as well.

It's just so weird coming down stairs to and empty kitchen and no more dog bowls by the sink. No dog to let out. I dunno... it's just empty feeling.


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